Putting the Past Behind Me

Without going into to many details I wanted to write about why I started this blog, and I decided to share my story. 

For years, I have felt out of place, and that I never really belonged even where every person and child should feel like the belong. I was called fact, ugly, worthless, the red headed step child. I was made to feel like I was all of the above. I rarely felt like I was worth anything. At the same time I was a pleaser when I was younger, doing what others expected of me in order to try to fit in. Most of all I wanted to feel loved. By the time I went to college, I went looking for attention in the wrong places, and had a couple of relationships that were not healthy or normal. There were crushes that I had held on to for far to long. 

I have had my fair share of heartache and broken hearts. It is not fun, but totally necessary to weed out the losers. I was totally an attention seeker, and did it for the attention even though I knew for 95% of the time that one in particular was not the one I was supposed to be with. 

I had hid behind the pain and the hurting and had closed myself off out of fear. I didn’t want close friends or anyone to be close to me, as I knew it would end in getting hurt. 

I had been raised going to church my whole life, and had played the game so to speak, about keeping up appearances and living somewhat of a double life. That has been how I had lived for the first twenty six and a half years.

I had also use alcohol for a while. as a way to rebel against a way of life that at the time I hated at the time.  

That is until I fully surrendered my life to God. The defiance and rebelling had come to an end. 

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