The past few weeks I have been reassessing the direction my life is going and what direction I should be working toward.
When I was younger (under the age of 25) I was totally working toward a career and pursuing an education, because that is what society told me I was supposed to be doing. While neither of those things are bad, they may not be for me.
I have definitely changed since I was the 23 year old, who packed up and went off to New York to be a nanny. That girl wanted a “real” career, who was focused all on my own goals. I was totally focused on being completely self sufficient and taking care of myself.
I haven’t given up working, as I still have bills to pay, and I am still single. Though I have recently realized, that it isn’t just about me. Even though I am still single I believe there is a guy out there for me to marry and have a family with.
When I went to college, it was completely for selfish reasons, I did it for myself, in order to further my career, and how many 18 to 22 years think about their education as an opportunity to grow as a person, and help them become a better adult. Now, yes it can still help me in terms of work and jobs and stuff, but it also more than that. If and when I have kids, I will be able to be a better mom. I don’t regret anything I have done, it all has shaped me into who I am today, and I am a stronger person because of everything I have experienced.
If I could do anything I wanted, I would want to live on a farm, and have a vegetable garden, where I could grow vegetables and berries, and have a few fruit trees. I would also want to be a stay at home wife and mother if it was financially possible. I would continue to blog about life, living on a farm and what that entails, as well as doing more about living a healthier lifestyle and growing a lot of my own food, as well as home preservation of food. Even if I never have a farm, I would love to have a back yard, and put some raised beds for growing food, and maybe have a few chickens.
I grew up in the city, which in itself isn’t a bad thing, it just didn’t work well for me, and for my personality. My parents worked, and I was responsible for getting my homework done myself from the time I was in elementary school. From the time I was old enough to be left home alone, I would be home alone after school until my brother or parents got home. As much as I hate to admit it, in high school, unless my homework involved reading a book, if it didn’t get done during the school day, it just didn’t get done. I typically came home and watched tv until my parents got home and then read a book until I went to bed. So yeah, I want a different lifestyle for my children should I ever have them.
College was a completely different story from my middle school and high school experience. I had chosen a school that I had to move away from my parents house to attend. That honestly was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was hard at first, but by the time I had changed my major things were a lot better, I was doing my assignments, readings, and papers and I was doing a lot better. When I was doing my major and minor classes, my gpa was often over 3.0 if not it was close. Having my own place to call home was part of what made the difference. It was my space and I h ad my own rules and it was more conducive to actually doing homework.
As a young woman in the 21st century, especially living in a large city, I grew up with the ideology that after high school you go to college and begin your career, get married and have kids, and go back to work when your maternity leave is up, and leave the actual raising of your to someone else, because you need to have a career of your own, and living within your means on one income is archaic and it violates your rights as a woman. You want to know what is my right as a woman? Making one income work, living within our means, so that i can stay at home and be the wife and mother I know I want to be. I went to college, graduated, I have held jobs, but given the choice I would like to be a stay at home wife and mother. Maintaining a home and caring for a family is a full time job in and of itself. I am still very firm in my beliefs, and I am still very independent, and could never be a stay at home daughter (that probably has something to do with how I was raised, how independent I am, and the fact that I am the youngest of two kids).
Part of my whole career driven mentally was so that I could afford to have my own place again. Once I went off to college, my parents house stopped being home, so when I had to move back to my parents house after college, it never felt like home, when home as I knew it was what I had left behind.
Home to me, is where I have the freedom to decorate any way o want, the freedom to have friends over if I want, and they can stay over if that is how it works. Home is having my own kitchen where everything in it was mine, and it was organized how I wanted it. I guess that could be partially a girl thing. Now that I know what it is like to have a home of my own and have that responsibility and freedom, I had thrived in that environment. The responsibility and freedom went hand in hand, and I thrived on both, and I want that again, as well as a husband and family to live there with me.
I am the kind of person who thinks the city life is overrated and was bored by it years ago. My adventures blog pretty much affirms that, as I was always going somewhere to get out of the city on the weekends and spending 2 weeks in the city without a break was more than enough. By city life I mean a city of more than 25,000 people. I have lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere and did just fine.
My blog has totally evolved over the years since I began blogging, more than 4.5 years ago. It has been interesting to see my journey in who I am over the past several years.
That is a lot for a blog post, so I think I will leave it there for now.