Taking on Life at Full Speed

Learning from the past to make a brighter future

This is my life — March 28, 2016

This is my life

Hey Everyone!

The past few days really feel like they have gotten away from me, and I am like “what happened the last few days?” 

The past couple of months have just flown by. 

There has a lot of trying to figure things out of what is right for me, and where I am supposed to be heading. I really feel like I am heading in the right direction, even though I don’t exactly know what that direction is. All I know is that God is fathful to guide us each step of the way. 

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Trying to see the big picture — March 22, 2016

Trying to see the big picture

Hey Everyone!

This week has kind of been a rough week, and to cope I turned to food, which has thrown me off track. I am trying not to let the week to week changes get to me when I go up a little bit, when I am still down from where I started from. 

My brother’s girlfriend is in town, and that is still something I am trying to get used to. I don’t hate her, but I don’t really know her, thus am not friends with her either. So what more can I do, besides be nice to her when she is around and let the relationship develop naturally. She could become my sister in law, but she may not. 

This week I have had a brief reminder of what a broken heart feels like (and it has nothing to do with my brother’s girlfriend being in town nor jealousy over him being in a relationship and me being single) I had something happen in my own life that brought it on. I am not going to go into what went down, it just reminded me why I need to guard my heart, until God brings the right one into my life. It’s not about purity, rather the emotional aspect when it doesn’t work out. At the same time I am trying to grapple with the fact that once I find the real thing, it will help the pain of weeding out the wrong ones, be worth it. 

If I am supposed to marry, that time will come, as will (I really hope) a family of my own in time. I keep reminding myself that this season of singleness is a gift, where I can focus on my relationship with God, focus on myself, the things I am most passionate about and my friends. I have been given the opportunity to grow and change and experience some of life on my own that I couldn’t have otherwise experienced if I had gotten married by 22. 

I am thankful for the opportunities I have had in the past six years. 

History…. — March 19, 2016

History….

Hey Everyone! 

How are you all doing? 

I am doing pretty well. Today I had taken some food that I had made over to my friends who had a baby last week. While I was there they let me hold their baby girl, who is darling and tiny. 

While I was out, I decided to run to the beach for a bit. On the drive I had a lot going through my mind, which included whether I would ever find a job where I was working with Oregon and American West History and sharing it with today’s kids and making it interesting and tangible for them. Ever since I went to Barkerville as a kid, I have been fascinated by ghost towns and the frontier life (i.e. Laura Ingalls Wilder). Though it was not until college when I really began to understand history and why I loved it so much. How it was presented was different. I was also at an age where I could go out and explore what remained of some of what I had previously read about. In my K – 12 education the history I got was out of a biased textbook that only presented one interpretation of the events. It was also a lot of names and dates that I, to this day do not remember most of. In college, we were taught and shown different interpretations of the same facts, and sent to make conclusions based on the evidence was given. While we did have names and dates we also read and learned about what was going on socially, culturally, religiously, and that while the wars were going on, there were real people living their everyday lives, that the textbooks make no mention of. I can only speak for myself, but being someplace like Barkerville or Fort Stevens or Fort Columbia, made history real for me, because real people who were really no different than you or I had spent time living there, and working there. They played their part in history, they all had names, personalities, parents, siblings, many had spouses and kids. Not everyone is going to be a Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Laura Ingalls Wilder or Margaret Thatcher, but we all have a story. Many of us lead ordinary lives, that won’t make the history books, but we all have been impacted by the “historical events” that take place during our lifetime. For me (so far) that has included 9/11 and the Iraq War. 

How I got off on a History Tangent when my original train of thought was more along the lines of Old long gone logging towns that are a part of Oregon’s History and how I would love to see one rebuilt or restored for the purpose of education and to make that part of history come to life. I was also thinking about if I would ever be able to use my degree, love of and passion for the history of the American West in a career. That is part of why I have been keeping my adventures blog, and started a YouTube channel to document my adventures and the history I interact with. 

It is always good to have goals and something to work toward. 

Finding my purpose  — March 13, 2016

Finding my purpose 

Hey Everyone! 

I don’t often talk about my past and things I have been through that are tough issues, like bullying, my weight, eating disorders, cutting, depression, coping with the loss of a grandparent on my own. Those have always been subjects that I have been trained to believe are taboo and you don’t discuss, period. Because of that, myself and many other kids and young adult struggle with, and some tragically succumb to their struggles. 

Before this post takes a much darker turn than I had anticipated, there are things I have been through that only a handful of people know the full extent of, and they have seen me trough that and seen me come out the other side, for the better. 

For anyone out there reading this, and going through hard issues, while I don’t personally understand what you are going through, there is hope and help out there, and others who have gone through similar things. 

Why I am choosing to write this post is because in the past couple of weeks I have decided to start making some life changes, for the better. I started using some of the ItWorks products to help me get my weight under control as I have allowed it to get out of control again. Why now you may ask? Why not? I have never been much of an athlete, but there are physical activities that I enjoy and shedding some weight would help me to be more successful at those activities as well as enjoy them more. I also have been feeling the effects of an old injury that never healed properly and losing weight would help ease the pressure on those points. 

Many of you who have followed me for any length of time know how much I love being outside and away from the big city. Yesterday while I was out on a drive along a two lane highway in the middle of nowhere I realized that I am in the city for a reason, and I have a purpose here. The whole “growing where you are planted” kind of came back to bite me so to speak. That definitely doesn’t mean that the adventures or love of small towns will stop, but rather an understanding and appreciation for the opportunities I have had. I am also not saying that I may never get to move back to a small town, but for this season of my life I am needed here. I don’t fully understand my purpose or my mission but I know enough to see that everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason and I am who I am for a reason. 

I have been given a great group of friends who love and support me for who I am, I find ways to do what I love often. 

Creating my own Community  — March 12, 2016

Creating my own Community 

Hi Everyone! 

Anyone ever have those moments where you are stopped dead in your tracks, and are like “What I have been wanting is not what I am supposed to be doing, but rather creating that where I am”. 

Since I was in college all I have wanted was to continue living in a small town, and then I graduated and had to move back to the big city where I have felt lost, confused and alone with no real sense of purpose. Over the past year and a half, I have occasionally had the feeling that maybe I am supposed to stay and there is a purpose for me here. Today while I was out driving in the country it was like something hit me and was like “the city is where you are supposed to be, there is work to be done that only you can do”. 

I have yet to find a job I can support myself on, but I believe that will happen. 

I have also realized that I have been building my own little community here. It had been a few months coming but I have come to see that I have a role to play here, and once I stopped fighting it, I have been seeing things change for the better. 

Day trip out of the City — March 6, 2016

Day trip out of the City

Hey Everyone!

What a busy weekend. Not only was Friday a busy day spending it with my best friend in the city, then going grocery shopping and church, then yesterday I went for a drive out along the Columbia River. 

Normally, my adventures in the past few years have been down to where I went to college, or the beach and in the rare occasion I went north up to Washington. I went out through the gorge more often before I went to New York, which was back in July of 2011. I forgot why I fell in love with the area between Hood River and the Dalles. Hood River is on te northern end of Central Oregon, where as the Dalles is in the northwestern end of eastern Oregon. The area out there is rugged, wild and tough. I love it. I had forgotten how at home I feel out there. I could totally see myself moving out there and settling down out there. It is still close enough to the city to come in to go shopping and stock up on the GF/DF food I couldn’t get out there, but far enough out that I wouldn’t be in the metro area. At least one of the towns has my favorite coffee place (for as often as I drink it), my favorite clothes store, the two grocery stores I am used to and a Bi-Mart. Hood River and the Dalles are also known for their fruit, so I could totally go get cherries, pie cherries, peaches and probably pears and do some canning. It also wouldn’t be that hard to come into town and go to Kruger farms and get pickling Cucumbers, dill and garlic to make dill pickles and from Thompson farms raspberries and strawberries to eat and make jam out of. Nothing is set in stone, and it totally not happen, but it is something I am praying about. 

I started using ItWorks Greens and Chews 5 days ago, and I already have noticed a difference. I am waiting for my fat fighters to arrive. I am also wanting to try hair skin and nails. I am not a distributor, at least not yet. That is something I am thinking about, but don’t want to decide on until I see how the products work for me, and if it is something I want to stick with. 

The past few months, I have learned that there are things in life that I should not and will not compromise on, when it comes to dating and guys. When the right one comes along, the things that make up who I am, and what makes me feel alive he will embrace the same things and be down with the others (like the occasional girls night or girls weekend) that allow me to recharge. I won’t change the essence of who I am for a guy. I am not saying I am looking for Prince Charming or “the perfect guy” as they don’t exist. But there are those who are a good match. I would seriously prefer to be single than in a bad relationship, and that, how I was raised and the life experiences I have had, are how I have become the woman I am today. 

Hey Everyone!

What a busy weekend. Not only was Friday a busy day spending it with my best friend in the city, then going grocery shopping and church, then yesterday I went for a drive out along the Columbia River. 

Normally, my adventures in the past few years have been down to where I went to college, or the beach and in the rare occasion I went north up to Washington. I went out through the gorge more often before I went to New York, which was back in July of 2011. I forgot why I fell in love with the area between Hood River and the Dalles. Hood River is on te northern end of Central Oregon, where as the Dalles is in the northwestern end of eastern Oregon. The area out there is rugged, wild and tough. I love it. I had forgotten how at home I feel out there. I could totally see myself moving out there and settling down out there. It is still close enough to the city to come in to go shopping and stock up on the GF/DF food I couldn’t get out there, but far enough out that I wouldn’t be in the metro area. At least one of the towns has my favorite coffee place (for as often as I drink it), my favorite clothes store, the two grocery stores I am used to and a Bi-Mart. Hood River and the Dalles are also known for their fruit, so I could totally go get cherries, pie cherries, peaches and probably pears and do some canning. It also wouldn’t be that hard to come into town and go to Kruger farms and get pickling Cucumbers, dill and garlic to make dill pickles and from Thompson farms raspberries and strawberries to eat and make jam out of. Nothing is set in stone, and it totally not happen, but it is something I am praying about. 

I started using ItWorks Greens and Chews 5 days ago, and I already have noticed a difference. I am waiting for my fat fighters to arrive. I am also wanting to try hair skin and nails. I am not a distributor, at least not yet. That is something I am thinking about, but don’t want to decide on until I see how the products work for me, and if it is something I want to stick with. 

The past few months, I have learned that there are things in life that I should not and will not compromise on, when it comes to dating and guys. When the right one comes along, the things that make up who I am, and what makes me feel alive he will embrace the same things and be down with the others (like the occasional girls night or girls weekend) that allow me to recharge. I won’t change the essence of who I am for a guy. I am not saying I am looking for Prince Charming or “the perfect guy” as they don’t exist. But there are those who are a good match. I would seriously prefer to be single than in a bad relationship, and that, how I was raised and the life experiences I have had, are how I have become the woman I am today. 

Adventures in the City — March 5, 2016

Adventures in the City

Hi Everyone!

When you live somewhere, I know at least for myself o get into a routine and really get in a rut and then don’t get out of it and explore the city in which I am living. 

I had gone on an adventure with one of my best friends today. We started out going to the Chinese Garden (an annual tradition for us), after which we went and took the OHSU Tram (a first time experience for both of us). I had been on Max prior today, but today was the first time I had also gone on the Portland Street Car. While that is not a big deal for some, I am one who is used to driving where I need and want to go that mass transit is still new to me. I can at least catch a bus that will get me close enough to the courthouse that it is only about a four block walk the rest of the way (and yes I have done that in the rain), and get myself home again after jury duty was done. When I was in New York, I just followed one of the other nannies who had been there a bit longer. 

It was amazing to see the city I have lived in for so many years from different vantage point s that I don’t normally get to see it take in due to either 1) I am driving or 2) it is not somewhere I normally go, especially on the west side of the city. In the east side of the city (not including North Portland) I can generally get myself back from anywhere I drive to, even taking the surface streets because I know the system and can generally find a street name I am familiar with, and then get to someplace I know. 

Beyond the adventures, I have been working hard to understand what I am supposed to do with my life career wise. Even at my age I don’t have it all figured out. I am working, and I am thankful for my job, and then on my weekends I go out and do what I love, and I have started vlogging it as well, so I can use another platform to share what I love. Doing what I love, then turning around and blogging, Instagramming, and sharing pictures and then editing a vlog is pretty much another part time job that I don’t get paid to do, rather I pay to do it,  but I love it more and more. Especially with the vlogging, there aren’t many vloggers that I know of, who are from around here. I know of two others. 

There is definitely more to this state than this city, which I would love to explore more of, in addition to my city explorations. 

I also coming home from a long day of adventures, and getting some more work done, from sharing that day’s adventure then being tired, and sleeping well that night.