When I started blogging, it gave me something to do when I was unemployed and trying to figure out what direction I was supposed to be going career wise. Little did I know that 5+ years after I started my first blog, I would still be blogging. I couldn’t have imagined what I have seen and done since then, yet still how empty and meaningless my life would feel living in the city I was raised in. I live in a city of plenty, where I have access to anything I could need or want, when all I want is a home of my own somewhere where I as a person can make a difference.
Over the course of the last 4 or so months I have begun to understand that my purpose is to more than just living in the city, where I get up each day and work a day job then when I get off work I go and pacify the rest of my time with meaningless or self centered & Self serving persuits. The city life in and of itself has been wasted on me.
I prefer doing things like knitting for children in need, reading books, hiking, discovering new things, learning about other cultures, and helping those less fortunate than myself.
I have been independent since I was young, I have had to be. When it was time to think about my future I went off to college, I lived in my own, and then started looking for work. It was sometime after I had come back from New York (a trip I took on my own btw), that I had heard of the Stay at home daughter movement, which to this day makes no sense to me, especially in this country and in this century. I know that I had a good Christian upbringing, but the whole concept that my father is accountable to God for my decisions and such until I get married was not how I was raised so it was never in my vocabulary, and going to college was never not an option. Where I went to college – my decision. what I majored in – my decision. changing my major – my decision. Going to New York in my own at 23 – my decision. Who I spend my time with – my decision. Who I date – my decision. Whether I date or not – my decision. I am accountable of my decisions and my actions. My father, once I turned 18 was no longer responsible or accountable for me. Does that make me a bad Christian woman? Not in the least. The past few months especially, I have been seeing the lord work in my life in ways that I can only explain as his doing. I still see him leading and guiding my life. Why the whole stay at home daughter thing has been on my heart and mind lately is because I know the lord has put something, a calling perhaps, on my heart that would take me far away from where I want, to serve him in a capacity there. I don’t really want to talk specifics yet, because I am still in the praying, waiting, and seeking the lord’s will phase. Whether the Lord calls me to go or not is what I am waiting on, I have just had the the lord ask “are you willing to go and serve me there?” Question put on my heart. I know if it is what he wants he will work out the details. All I know is that the whole stay at home daughter lifestyle is not what I am called to do.
As for the whole “being te keeper of the home” business, what I didn’t learn about cooking, cleaning, running a home, taking care of kids (I am the youngest of 2 btw), when I was a kid, I learned through having my own home in college, and babysitting, working in a daycare, and helping my friends with their kids.
So, why am I going off on what seems like a tangent? Well, it really comes down to the fact that I have been learning about what I am supposed to be doing with my life, and trying to not not listen o what everyone else thinks I should be doing with it or how they think I should behaving or thinking. I am who I am today because of God, and the life he has given me, that the things he has taught me. I know there is more in store for my life than just being a wife and mother.
When I started blogging years ago, little did I know my best friend would be my best friend or that should and I would have some amazing adventures together, or that I would meet a group of ladies who would become my friends, and accept me for who I am.
For the longest time I wasn’t sure if I wanted to blog about this, but I decided it was time to get it out, and share my experience.